So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
