I will die if light touches me.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
