I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
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Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
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Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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