Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
