being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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