While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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