I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
