Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
