have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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