I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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