Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
