Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
True strength comes from lack of pants
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
