We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Found the puke drawer
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
