He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
