508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
