so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
