a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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