At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
