Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
