the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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