Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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