i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Dick very happy bro
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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