Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
