hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
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