He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
