i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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