He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
