I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
