She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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