Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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