I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
