So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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