All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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