I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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