why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
