Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
