I think i sorta joined a cult last night
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
