I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
