dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
