dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
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