left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
