Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
