Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize