May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
