Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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