i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just threw up on my dentist
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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