umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize