The maid of honor just puked.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
