You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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