im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
