trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
