You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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