I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
