Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
