kristin has been a bad kristin
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
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