How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
