Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
