i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
