I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
