Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
