So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
