there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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