Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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